christmas break...

As I sit here and look at all the pictures I have taken over Christmas I am realizing just how much has happened in the last month!! I have so much to share. Here it goes....

First was a short stay with the Holland family and a day in the snow with Nathan.

Here are some pictures of the snow day.

Here are some more pictures of my family away from my family. Well, really its mostly pictures of Lilah, but she is just so cute I could not help myself!! :)

Never Say When worshiped with First Presbyterian Church of Mason City!! Awesome!!

We came home from our trip to Rockford and Mason City to a MAJOR ice storm in Macomb. It was so beautiful! Here are some of the pictures I took.

Last but not least, I spent time at my family's house in Nashville, TN. I was there for 3 weeks. Nathan came to visit the last week I was there. We had an awesome time hanging out with the fam and with Jared and Katie. Here are some of the pictures I took.

Now, here I am back a school. Getting my apartment put back together (which has been harder than it should be since I have some sort of cold or flu thing). Never Say When has a gig in Burlington, Iowa on Thursday, a seminar on Saturday, and another gig on Sunday - that is what I am spending a lot of time preparing for. We have also been having a lot of fun putting a promotional package together for the band. I hope they turn out good. :)

Hope you enjoy the pictures! :)

-B

bible in a year...

So, when I first became a Christian, a beautiful woman of God named Amber Dawn gave me a "Daily Walk Bible". This version of the Bible divides the Bible up just right so a person can read the whole Bible in one year. I have had this Bible for over 5 years now and have started to read it more times than I can keep track of. I have read most all of the New Testament more times that I can count, but have spent most of my life as a Believer neglecting the Old Testament and the Gospels (believe it or not). So, I have resolved this year to read the whole Bible, all the way through. It hasn't been that hard yet. I don't really have to read more than a few chapters per day and this version of the Bible has a little devotional at the beginning of each reading. I really like that part. Just a little something to get me thinking about what I have already read and what is coming up. I am pretty excited to keep reading. I have already come across some really interesting stuff.

I have to be going...have a meeting with the apartment people to sign my new lease.

Hope all is well.

-B

So, I am sitting here on my computer getting ready to go to Wednesday night church and watching Friends (one of the only TV shows I like watching these days).

To day was such an awesome day. First off...IT SNOWED!! It is so beautiful outside!! I just love the cold air and having to get all bundled up to go out side. One of my favorite things things to do these days is sit down on my couch that is right next to our big porch sliding door that is lined in Christmas lights. I can sit inside and read in the warmth of my apartment, but look out at the winter wonderland outside. Mmm...I love snow. I'm not sure if I could ever move to Nashville to live by my parents...I think I might just miss the snow too much!! Maybe I will move to Colorado.

So, besides the awesome weather, today was a good day because I got a lot of stuff done. I don't have class this semester so I have a lot of free time. I have been so surprised and a bit frustrated with myself at how easy it is for me to be lazy. It has been a couple weeks since I have been class-free and after spending one week organizing and reorganizing everything I own I have hence gotten really good at sleeping, eating, watching TV and reading. So, lately I have been focusing on how I can spend my days DOING SOMETHING and not sitting around wasting time.

The best part about today would have to be that I think I might have gotten a job for next semester!! YEAH!! I applied to two places I found on the Macomb classifieds website. One job is doing office work at a Tax place and the other is a front desk position at one of the nicer hotels in the fine city of Macomb. I should know by the end of the week.

The only bummer part of my day would have to be that I had to return the AWESOME (well not so awesome) water filter I bought last week. It is a Brita filter that you hook on to your sink spout. My sister has one and I LOVED it so I decided I NEEDED one. So, I went and got it, BUT it won't stay on my spout!! :( I can screw it on and it will sit there for a while THEN out of no where it will just fall off and water will spray all over the place. So, needless to say I got my $35 back today. I guess I will just have to stick to the good only Brita water pitcher in for my fridge. Oh well.

Well, its 6:42pm...church starts at 7:00...I better be going.

Hope all is well. :)

reexamination...

Six years. Six years – I don’t know if that sounds like a long time. As I think about it now it doesn’t seem to long, but man, can a lot happen in six years of life. Six years ago I was a very different person. I don’t really recall changing or how the process took place. I tried a lot of different things to attempt to become the person I thought I wanted to be…but I sure never became that person and I am so thankful of that. There are a lot of things about me that will never change, though, as much as I have tried to change them - I will always talk a lot and be way to willing to share too many details of my life with anyone that asks. I will always burn when I don’t use sunscreen. I will always desire to experience a fairytale romance that last my life long. I will always be a people person. I will never look perfect. I will always need my parents. I will always over think nearly everything….I could go on. As I read old journals, look at old pictures and reminisce with old friends I have discovered that there are a great many things about me that I don’t even recall ever being true, but I was a very different person six years ago. I didn’t choose to be changed, but I know what changed me and the process of it has produced more joy and pain than I would have ever believed could coexist. As I have been surviving through the trials that too often come along with growing I have developed desires and hopes, goals and values that I never could have ever imagined I would consider as precious and priceless I as do now. I have discovered things about me and my heart - a few strengths and a great many weaknesses – and am still searching deep, trying to figure out God’s purpose for me and my life and why the heck he want anything to do with me at all. I certainly came prepackage with a passion for music and songwriting. At times it has been the only way I could get my insides out or make sense of a feeling…I’m pretty sure writing and discovering music is the only reason I made it through much of middle and high school (and really life in general for that matter). Even as I write this entry I am listening to music that motivates me and puts me in a place where I am willing to be exposed and focused on losing myself in the passion of Jesus and there finding who I really am. In case you’re wondering the song on currently is Bethany Dillon-“Imagination”. I have also developed this nearly unquenchable yearning to seek truth about Jesus and the thing he teaches, his passion, and the validity of it all.

Lately I have been noticing things…things in my life that don’t really make sense. I have become aware of things about me and the way I live that are contrary to who I have become and who I desire to be. I have decided it all contributes to one sin I have struggled with for a great deal of time and had no idea even existed. It was masked by so many things. For a long time I thought I was just a procrastinator (which, don’t get me wrong, I am), but what it really is is laziness. I am just…..lazy. All these desires and hope and aspirations they have sat dormant for a while. Just about as soon as I developed them I began to avoid them. I use my love and passion for God to pull me out of tough times and rely on music to make sense when I want it to, however that’s just about what I have done with it. But I still have this ache inside me and I can’t stand it there. I want it to be satisfied…I want to know I’m being used…I want to know I’m not just waist space here on Earth trying to fill my life with thing that really only empty me. I am constantly begging God to make me understand why these desires are here and what I am supposed to do about them. Thing is…I know what I need to do. I simply need to DO SOMETHING…I need to read my Bible, I need to research, I need pray consistently, I need to talk to others, I need to care through my actions, I need to practice music, I need to eat better, I need to work out, I need to put down the chocolate ice cream. I know what I need to do. WHY CAN’T I DO THEM? Some days I just feel like such a loser - I waist so much I my life on thing that don’t matter. I watch TV or sit on Facebook for hours. What do these add to my life? Nothing. And even though I often use the excuse that I deserve to loaf around and watch TV for a whole day…and maybe I do, existing is rough at times…I still get in bed at night and don’t feel it is satisfied. Thus, reexamination. Writing this entry is my first step. I turned the TV off, talked to God, turned on music, and became still. This is what came out. Now…I’m going to try a little more of this and a little less pointlessness. Goodness, who know what could happen. Our God is great, maybe if I actually DO SOMETHING his purpose for me can be fulfilled, maybe if I DO SOMETHING this life won’t be wasted.

a blog?

I think a huge part of being a human is desiring to have someone witness your life; to have someone to share thoughts with and relate to. I have been journaling for as long as I can remember. Mostly everyday events, thoughts, complaints, questions, and whatever just comes out. There are often moments I wish my thoughts could be broad casted, just to share with others, but I have never had the guts to do so. Mostly because I'm not sure anyone would want to hear or because I would be exposed, but the yearning is still there…so, here it goes...the happenings of me...

I just moved into a new apartment last Friday. I had many good friends give their time to help me move all my heavy stuff and since then I have been organizing and cleaning and trying to get things together. I absolutely love organizing and cleaning things…it is such a good feeling to have everything orderly down to each and every file. When I was younger I was, what I like to call a "surface cleaner". I would make my space look clean and organized upon first glance -it sure fooled my mom when she came to check if I had cleaned my room - but underneath it all everything was a wreck. The closet was stuffed full of clothes so much so it was hard to close the door. My drawers were shoved full of everything that surely does not belong in dresser drawers. I vividly remember sitting on the floor and, with all my might, ramming the junk under my bed using my feet. My mom simply said something like, "you can't go outside until your room is clean," and the cramming began. How much of my life have I spent just trying to make things look good from the outside? It seems that "surface cleaning" is the goal of most of us. As long as everyone thinks we have it all together then we can just forget all the junk we have shoved places and go outside to play. I definitely learned the hard way that when we are "surface cleaners" things are hard to find when you need them…they simply get misplaced or even lost forever, things get wrinkled, torn or broken, things get dirty and grow mold, and before you know it all the fun that you had outside is not worth the fact that you can not find your favorite shirt or that the piggy bank you have had since you were a baby is broken beyond fixing or that there are now bugs covering that plate of food you left where no one could see it. I think it might be worth it to go beyond the surface and do a little cleaning.