a blog?

I think a huge part of being a human is desiring to have someone witness your life; to have someone to share thoughts with and relate to. I have been journaling for as long as I can remember. Mostly everyday events, thoughts, complaints, questions, and whatever just comes out. There are often moments I wish my thoughts could be broad casted, just to share with others, but I have never had the guts to do so. Mostly because I'm not sure anyone would want to hear or because I would be exposed, but the yearning is still there…so, here it goes...the happenings of me...

I just moved into a new apartment last Friday. I had many good friends give their time to help me move all my heavy stuff and since then I have been organizing and cleaning and trying to get things together. I absolutely love organizing and cleaning things…it is such a good feeling to have everything orderly down to each and every file. When I was younger I was, what I like to call a "surface cleaner". I would make my space look clean and organized upon first glance -it sure fooled my mom when she came to check if I had cleaned my room - but underneath it all everything was a wreck. The closet was stuffed full of clothes so much so it was hard to close the door. My drawers were shoved full of everything that surely does not belong in dresser drawers. I vividly remember sitting on the floor and, with all my might, ramming the junk under my bed using my feet. My mom simply said something like, "you can't go outside until your room is clean," and the cramming began. How much of my life have I spent just trying to make things look good from the outside? It seems that "surface cleaning" is the goal of most of us. As long as everyone thinks we have it all together then we can just forget all the junk we have shoved places and go outside to play. I definitely learned the hard way that when we are "surface cleaners" things are hard to find when you need them…they simply get misplaced or even lost forever, things get wrinkled, torn or broken, things get dirty and grow mold, and before you know it all the fun that you had outside is not worth the fact that you can not find your favorite shirt or that the piggy bank you have had since you were a baby is broken beyond fixing or that there are now bugs covering that plate of food you left where no one could see it. I think it might be worth it to go beyond the surface and do a little cleaning.